Something To Open My Eyes
You may recall in some recent posts that I've been having an issue with someone I considered a close friend. Without getting into too much detail (for privacy reasons) I finally had something spelled out to me. After over a week of this person pretty much ignoring my emails and phonecalls, I saw them (and I know using them is bad grammar, but I'm not stating whether it's a him or a her) in person.
It was a pleasant enough conversation. This person claims that they are not mad at me and that I have to understand what it means to be a friend. They said that "just because someone doesn't call you back or answer your emails doesn't mean the friendship has gone by the wayside." Ok...rolling with that theory...
I have plenty of people I consider friends who I'm not able to talk to very often. My life is very busy, and so are theirs. I think there are different levels of friendship. There are some that work just fine with the occassional phone call and night out, others are closer to where you talk to them quite often.
So what am I supposed to think when I talk to someone pretty much every day, whether it be through email, phone, or in person, and then one day they just stop. Especially after an innocent incident that seems to have pissed them off...yet they refuse to say they're pissed. Then days later tell me they "don't like me anymore" and when asked why I'm told to "figure it out." So I did what I do best. I wrote this person an email.
I explained that the only thing I could think of was something that was done out of fun. I had already apologized for doing it, even though it was only a joke and we had played around like that many times before. I went on to say that not talking to me wasn't the way to go about things and that real friends talked things like this out. I don't remember exactly what I said, but it was along the lines of an apology for upsetting them, with questions as to why they wouldn't just talk about it with me.
I finally got a response in the form of a phonecall. I was told to "calm the fuck down" and that none of this meant we weren't friends. Again, I was confused. But I assumed it was over with. But yet I still don't hear from this person anymore.
So when I confronted them yesterday I was told to look up the meaning of the word friend. So I did:
Main Entry: 1 friend
Pronunciation: 'frend
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English frend, from Old English frEond; akin to Old High German friunt friend, Old English frEon to love, frEo free
1 a : one attached to another by affection or esteem b : ACQUAINTANCE
2 a : one that is not hostile b : one that is of the same nation, party, or group
3 : one that favors or promotes something (as a charity)
4 : a favored companion
5 capitalized : a member of a Christian sect that stresses Inner Light, rejects sacraments and an ordained ministry, and opposes war -- called also Quaker
Ok, I'm thinking this person was not alluding to definitions 3 or 5. So that leaves us with someone who is attached to another by affection or esteem, someone who is not hostile, and a favored companion. Nowhere in there does it say the two people have to be in contact with each other, so I guess my "friend" is right.
I always thought the definition of friend was someone who cared about you, someone you could trust, someone you could go to when you had a problem, someone who could go to you with a problem. That's the kind of friend I try to be. But maybe I have it all wrong. According to Miriam Webster I do.
What this person and I had before all the bullshit started was what I considered a close friendship. The fact that it's changed this much in such a short time leads me to believe that we are no longer the same type of friends. Maybe I'm just an acqaintance to this person now. I don't know. All I know is, if I had a problem (and you all know I have my fair share) and tried to go to this person, I wouldn't get an answer. Somehow that doesn't seem very friendly to me. But what do I know, I didn't even know the true definition of the word.
I dunno. It sucks. I feel like I lost one of the few people I could trust. I feel like I don't know this person anymore, like they turned into someone else. They don't seem to think anything is different. They don't seem to understand why I've been upset. Maybe I am just crazy. But it doesn't matter. Things have changed between us permanently and I just have to accept it and move on, as much as it sucks. I tend not to give up on good friends without a fight, but I put in all the effort I can muster. It's up to them now whether or not they want to talk to me anymore.
Anyhoo, I wasn't going to post about this because should this person decide to read my blog in the near future, they would probably take it the wrong way and get pissed. At least, that seems to be the pattern as of late. But the reason I have this place is to rant about what's going on and get it off my chest, to help me deal with things. I think I've done a pretty good job of protecting this person's privacy, so hopefully this won't open a whole new can of worms.
Well, that's enough for now. Till next time...
It was a pleasant enough conversation. This person claims that they are not mad at me and that I have to understand what it means to be a friend. They said that "just because someone doesn't call you back or answer your emails doesn't mean the friendship has gone by the wayside." Ok...rolling with that theory...
I have plenty of people I consider friends who I'm not able to talk to very often. My life is very busy, and so are theirs. I think there are different levels of friendship. There are some that work just fine with the occassional phone call and night out, others are closer to where you talk to them quite often.
So what am I supposed to think when I talk to someone pretty much every day, whether it be through email, phone, or in person, and then one day they just stop. Especially after an innocent incident that seems to have pissed them off...yet they refuse to say they're pissed. Then days later tell me they "don't like me anymore" and when asked why I'm told to "figure it out." So I did what I do best. I wrote this person an email.
I explained that the only thing I could think of was something that was done out of fun. I had already apologized for doing it, even though it was only a joke and we had played around like that many times before. I went on to say that not talking to me wasn't the way to go about things and that real friends talked things like this out. I don't remember exactly what I said, but it was along the lines of an apology for upsetting them, with questions as to why they wouldn't just talk about it with me.
I finally got a response in the form of a phonecall. I was told to "calm the fuck down" and that none of this meant we weren't friends. Again, I was confused. But I assumed it was over with. But yet I still don't hear from this person anymore.
So when I confronted them yesterday I was told to look up the meaning of the word friend. So I did:
Main Entry: 1 friend
Pronunciation: 'frend
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English frend, from Old English frEond; akin to Old High German friunt friend, Old English frEon to love, frEo free
1 a : one attached to another by affection or esteem b : ACQUAINTANCE
2 a : one that is not hostile b : one that is of the same nation, party, or group
3 : one that favors or promotes something (as a charity)
4 : a favored companion
5 capitalized : a member of a Christian sect that stresses Inner Light, rejects sacraments and an ordained ministry, and opposes war -- called also Quaker
Ok, I'm thinking this person was not alluding to definitions 3 or 5. So that leaves us with someone who is attached to another by affection or esteem, someone who is not hostile, and a favored companion. Nowhere in there does it say the two people have to be in contact with each other, so I guess my "friend" is right.
I always thought the definition of friend was someone who cared about you, someone you could trust, someone you could go to when you had a problem, someone who could go to you with a problem. That's the kind of friend I try to be. But maybe I have it all wrong. According to Miriam Webster I do.
What this person and I had before all the bullshit started was what I considered a close friendship. The fact that it's changed this much in such a short time leads me to believe that we are no longer the same type of friends. Maybe I'm just an acqaintance to this person now. I don't know. All I know is, if I had a problem (and you all know I have my fair share) and tried to go to this person, I wouldn't get an answer. Somehow that doesn't seem very friendly to me. But what do I know, I didn't even know the true definition of the word.
I dunno. It sucks. I feel like I lost one of the few people I could trust. I feel like I don't know this person anymore, like they turned into someone else. They don't seem to think anything is different. They don't seem to understand why I've been upset. Maybe I am just crazy. But it doesn't matter. Things have changed between us permanently and I just have to accept it and move on, as much as it sucks. I tend not to give up on good friends without a fight, but I put in all the effort I can muster. It's up to them now whether or not they want to talk to me anymore.
Anyhoo, I wasn't going to post about this because should this person decide to read my blog in the near future, they would probably take it the wrong way and get pissed. At least, that seems to be the pattern as of late. But the reason I have this place is to rant about what's going on and get it off my chest, to help me deal with things. I think I've done a pretty good job of protecting this person's privacy, so hopefully this won't open a whole new can of worms.
Well, that's enough for now. Till next time...
posted by Meghan at 8:41 AM
3 Comments:
loneliness is the human condition. sometimes it just becomes more apparent. glad you are posting again! Melanie
Don't sweat it Meghan, I consider you a friend, and we only speak a few times a year. AND, I'm not even "allowed" to get involved in the "genre" (this is said with tongue in cheek, BTW). Hang in there. I'm sure the person you're referencing will come around.
I hope your Turkey Day was filled with lots of great Family time! We'll have to talk soon.
--D
Thanks for posting guys. I appreciate it. Things have reached a new phase with this, not sure where it will end up. I don't think we'll ever go back to the kind of friends we were, and that really makes me sad. But there's nothing I can do but just move past it.
Post a Comment
<< Home