Going Stir Crazy
Sorry it's been so long since I've posted. To be perfectly honest, it's because there is absolutely zilch going on. I mean, I could complain about the same shit I do every posting, but you MUST be getting bored of that by now. Too bad...
My life has become completely unrecognizable. Everything revolves around feedings, changing diapers, and trying to get as much sleep as possible around the baby's schedule. Not to mention I have to try to squeeze in some freelancing so we don't end up moving into a cardboard box. What the hell as happened to me?
Don't get me wrong...I love Andre to death and feel blessed every day that I have him. But it's like he's turned me into someone I don't even know. Even though I got pumped to work on my novel...that died out because I have no time to work on it. I don't go out. No bars, clubs, etc. I haven't seen any of my friends in awhile...hell, I rarely even talk to them. I never get to go anywhere without having to bring one or both the kids (save for the grocery store...sometimes Fran let's me get an hour to myself to go shopping...nice, huh?). No partying or wild nights, I haven't even done a road trip in awhile. Those of you who know me would look at me and wonder who the hell I am.
I'm constantly tired and cranky. I go into bouts of depression daily. I feel guilty every time I get down about my life because it's not Andre's fault and how dare I complain when so many people are trying to have kids and can't? I know I have no right to complain...yet I do anyway. I don't know...I've been through this before, but I was 17 and my parents took on a lot to help make sure I still got to enjoy some of my adolescence (not to mention Kimi was a great sleeper from the time I brought her home and rarely cried unless she needed something, totally opposite of Andre). Not this time...I'm married now...an adult. As helpful as they have been...it's not the same. And I don't want to saddle them with both kids every weekend anyway, that wouldn't be fair.
Tomorrow I'm bringing the kids to Mary's to hang out. Mary has a son as well and we figure the older kids can entertain each other while we have some adult talk (around periods of whining from the baby of course.) Yes, I'm looking forward to seeing Mary and getting out of the house, but it's not the same with the kids.
Saturday night Fran's parents offered to watch the kids for a couple of hours so we can go out to dinner...a sort of anniversary present from them. I think we'll try to do dinner at our favorite restaurant in the city, The Yaffa Cafe, then walk around and window shop and such, visiting my favorite stores on St. Marks. Of course this all depends on how many hours "a couple" means to his parents. If it's strictly two...there won't be enough time and we'll probably end up going to the Olive Garden or something lame like that. So I'm not sure what the plan is yet. Either way, a couple of hours out without the kids will be nice. But with Andre being as cranky as he has been, I'll probably worry the whole time that he's being a pain and driving his parents nuts. I don't know if it's colic or what, but even on the soy formula this kid is cranky all day. Hell, I'm amazed he's sleeping right now. First time I've been able to type with two hands in days.
Anyhoo, I don't really know the point of this post. To bitch and complain...yes...I wouldn't be me unless I whined about something. But all of this I know is part and parcel of motherhood. I chose to have a family, and I'm happy I did. I love them all dearly. I just wish a little bit of me was able to stick around, but I guess she won't be back until Andre is out of his baby years...and then I'll complain that I miss the baby stage. You know me...the grass is always greener...I'm never happy.
On that note, I'm going to end this pathetic rant and waste of space. Thanks for listening.
Sorry it's been so long since I've posted. To be perfectly honest, it's because there is absolutely zilch going on. I mean, I could complain about the same shit I do every posting, but you MUST be getting bored of that by now. Too bad...
My life has become completely unrecognizable. Everything revolves around feedings, changing diapers, and trying to get as much sleep as possible around the baby's schedule. Not to mention I have to try to squeeze in some freelancing so we don't end up moving into a cardboard box. What the hell as happened to me?
Don't get me wrong...I love Andre to death and feel blessed every day that I have him. But it's like he's turned me into someone I don't even know. Even though I got pumped to work on my novel...that died out because I have no time to work on it. I don't go out. No bars, clubs, etc. I haven't seen any of my friends in awhile...hell, I rarely even talk to them. I never get to go anywhere without having to bring one or both the kids (save for the grocery store...sometimes Fran let's me get an hour to myself to go shopping...nice, huh?). No partying or wild nights, I haven't even done a road trip in awhile. Those of you who know me would look at me and wonder who the hell I am.
I'm constantly tired and cranky. I go into bouts of depression daily. I feel guilty every time I get down about my life because it's not Andre's fault and how dare I complain when so many people are trying to have kids and can't? I know I have no right to complain...yet I do anyway. I don't know...I've been through this before, but I was 17 and my parents took on a lot to help make sure I still got to enjoy some of my adolescence (not to mention Kimi was a great sleeper from the time I brought her home and rarely cried unless she needed something, totally opposite of Andre). Not this time...I'm married now...an adult. As helpful as they have been...it's not the same. And I don't want to saddle them with both kids every weekend anyway, that wouldn't be fair.
Tomorrow I'm bringing the kids to Mary's to hang out. Mary has a son as well and we figure the older kids can entertain each other while we have some adult talk (around periods of whining from the baby of course.) Yes, I'm looking forward to seeing Mary and getting out of the house, but it's not the same with the kids.
Saturday night Fran's parents offered to watch the kids for a couple of hours so we can go out to dinner...a sort of anniversary present from them. I think we'll try to do dinner at our favorite restaurant in the city, The Yaffa Cafe, then walk around and window shop and such, visiting my favorite stores on St. Marks. Of course this all depends on how many hours "a couple" means to his parents. If it's strictly two...there won't be enough time and we'll probably end up going to the Olive Garden or something lame like that. So I'm not sure what the plan is yet. Either way, a couple of hours out without the kids will be nice. But with Andre being as cranky as he has been, I'll probably worry the whole time that he's being a pain and driving his parents nuts. I don't know if it's colic or what, but even on the soy formula this kid is cranky all day. Hell, I'm amazed he's sleeping right now. First time I've been able to type with two hands in days.
Anyhoo, I don't really know the point of this post. To bitch and complain...yes...I wouldn't be me unless I whined about something. But all of this I know is part and parcel of motherhood. I chose to have a family, and I'm happy I did. I love them all dearly. I just wish a little bit of me was able to stick around, but I guess she won't be back until Andre is out of his baby years...and then I'll complain that I miss the baby stage. You know me...the grass is always greener...I'm never happy.
On that note, I'm going to end this pathetic rant and waste of space. Thanks for listening.
posted by Meghan at 1:19 PM
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