So Much To Blog, So Little Time
I know I've been neglectful of my blog...and now I'm paying for it. There are just too many things to post about and not enough time or energy to cover them all. Not to mention my brain is pretty much jelly lately so I'm sure to forget half of the important stuff. Ah well...here it goes...
Firstly, that situation with my friend seems to be completely resolved. For that I am thankful. We're getting back to normal and I'm very happy about that.
Second, just went through some serious agony. This may not be for the sqeamish, or those embarassed by talk of reproductive systems. heh So if that's you, you may want to skip the next few paragraphs. Anyhoo, Thursday morning I was sitting at the computer, playing on pogo.com, when I felt a sharp pain in my lower, right abdomen. I assumed it was time for my monthly "friend" visit and ignored it. But then it came back again, only worse. It was one of those pains that comes on strong and knocks the wind out of you, like you're being stabbed. It hangs out for a few seconds and then drifts away. But it's back again minutes later.
I got very nervous because I've heard horror stories about women who have had their tubes tied having an ectopic pregnancy, which could be fatal. So I called my doc. Of course by the time I called it was during their lunch break, so I left a message. Someone finally got back to me a couple of hours later. I described my symptoms (there was more than just the pain, but I'm not going to gross you out) and he said it sounded like a cyst. So he squeezed me in for an appointment the next morning with the nurse practitioner.
I went in the next morning, still in pain, and was examined. She agreed that it was probably a cyst, but sent me downstairs for bloodwork just to rule out appendicitis. She also scheduled an appointment for me that afternoon for a pelvic ultrasound. So I got my blood drawn and went home for a bit. Then I went to my ultrasound appointment, which nearly killed me.
They had told me that I needed to drink 24 ounces of water one hour before my appointment, which I did. I had to do something similar when I went for my ultrasounds when I was pergnant. No biggie. However, they kept me waiting forever, so by the time they were ready for me, I felt like I was going to burst.
You know how it feels when you really have to pee and something presses up against your bladder? Well, imagine that...only worse. Because the pushing and pressing lasts a good ten to fifteen minutes. The lady doing the ultrasound didn't say much. Just clicked on her keyboard and tried to squeeze the pee outta me. Finally she told me to go to the bathroom and empty my bladder, then come back. That was fine by me!
After taking what must have been the longest pee on record, I went back to the examining room and hopped up on the table. The woman then proceeded to grab a giant dildo attached to a cord. I looked around for a camera, thinking maybe I was on "World's Funniest Pornographic Practical Jokes." She referred to the king of all dongs as "the probe" and told me to just "relax." Whatfuckingever! She slid an XXXL condom on the sucker and shoved it right up my bajinga (those who watch Scrubs will get the reference...those who don't surely know what I am referring to). Let me remind you that I'm still getting these horendous pains. Add to that this woman ramming her "probe" in and out, up and down, side to side with all the finesse of a backwoods, truck-driving, slack-jawwed yokel, and I was close to going postal.
She kept ordering me to spread my legs further, bend my knees, unbend my knees, tilt my pelvis up, tilt it down. She was getting frustrated but I couldn't understand why. She wasn't the one getting her insides pummelled by a copy of Ron Jeremy's shlong. Finally she told me that the doctor would be coming in to look at the pictures, but I was to leave the probe in because he would want to check it out himself. Splendid.
So I laid there for about 10 minutes, my thighs clutched together so I could hold in this mammoth dildo. The doctor finally came in, slapped some latex gloves on, and smiled at me as he started to grind into my bajinga with Mr. Probe. He asked me how I was, asked about the symptoms, asked about my family...kids...etc. Let me tell you, small talk ain't easy in this position. Then he yanked the thing out and went back to the other device which he pushed into the skin of my abdomen. He slid it back and forth right next to my C-section scar, which is still very sensitive. It felt like the scar was going to rip open.
Anyhoo, he concluded a few things. 1) my uterus is tilted (hence my ovaries are tilted); 2) my ovaries are high up (hence making them difficult to see); and 3) I have a small cyst on my right ovary. Now, the doc can't see the other side of my ovary because it's against the uteran wall. So who knows what's over there. His solution? "It should probably resolve itself. No need for surgery. And it should really only bother you during your cycle. You can take something for the pain if you need it. Have a nice day."
So I limped out of the office, in pain, feeling violated, but relieved it wasn't anything major. Over the next couple of days the pains came further and further apart, didn't last as long, and decreased in intensity. Today I pretty much feel like myself again. I just can't wait until my friend comes back next month. Sigh.
Ok, this post is getting very long. I was giong to rant about the murder of Dimebag Darrell from Pantera and Damage Plan. I was going to rant some more about Christmas. I was going to rant a bit about work. And I'm pretty sure there was a crapload of other stuff too. But it's getting close to closing time at work and there's only so many words I can type in one sitting. So it looks like I'll have to wait till tomorrow to continue.
Til then...
PS-Please ignore all typos as I don't feel like going through this post again. :)
Firstly, that situation with my friend seems to be completely resolved. For that I am thankful. We're getting back to normal and I'm very happy about that.
Second, just went through some serious agony. This may not be for the sqeamish, or those embarassed by talk of reproductive systems. heh So if that's you, you may want to skip the next few paragraphs. Anyhoo, Thursday morning I was sitting at the computer, playing on pogo.com, when I felt a sharp pain in my lower, right abdomen. I assumed it was time for my monthly "friend" visit and ignored it. But then it came back again, only worse. It was one of those pains that comes on strong and knocks the wind out of you, like you're being stabbed. It hangs out for a few seconds and then drifts away. But it's back again minutes later.
I got very nervous because I've heard horror stories about women who have had their tubes tied having an ectopic pregnancy, which could be fatal. So I called my doc. Of course by the time I called it was during their lunch break, so I left a message. Someone finally got back to me a couple of hours later. I described my symptoms (there was more than just the pain, but I'm not going to gross you out) and he said it sounded like a cyst. So he squeezed me in for an appointment the next morning with the nurse practitioner.
I went in the next morning, still in pain, and was examined. She agreed that it was probably a cyst, but sent me downstairs for bloodwork just to rule out appendicitis. She also scheduled an appointment for me that afternoon for a pelvic ultrasound. So I got my blood drawn and went home for a bit. Then I went to my ultrasound appointment, which nearly killed me.
They had told me that I needed to drink 24 ounces of water one hour before my appointment, which I did. I had to do something similar when I went for my ultrasounds when I was pergnant. No biggie. However, they kept me waiting forever, so by the time they were ready for me, I felt like I was going to burst.
You know how it feels when you really have to pee and something presses up against your bladder? Well, imagine that...only worse. Because the pushing and pressing lasts a good ten to fifteen minutes. The lady doing the ultrasound didn't say much. Just clicked on her keyboard and tried to squeeze the pee outta me. Finally she told me to go to the bathroom and empty my bladder, then come back. That was fine by me!
After taking what must have been the longest pee on record, I went back to the examining room and hopped up on the table. The woman then proceeded to grab a giant dildo attached to a cord. I looked around for a camera, thinking maybe I was on "World's Funniest Pornographic Practical Jokes." She referred to the king of all dongs as "the probe" and told me to just "relax." Whatfuckingever! She slid an XXXL condom on the sucker and shoved it right up my bajinga (those who watch Scrubs will get the reference...those who don't surely know what I am referring to). Let me remind you that I'm still getting these horendous pains. Add to that this woman ramming her "probe" in and out, up and down, side to side with all the finesse of a backwoods, truck-driving, slack-jawwed yokel, and I was close to going postal.
She kept ordering me to spread my legs further, bend my knees, unbend my knees, tilt my pelvis up, tilt it down. She was getting frustrated but I couldn't understand why. She wasn't the one getting her insides pummelled by a copy of Ron Jeremy's shlong. Finally she told me that the doctor would be coming in to look at the pictures, but I was to leave the probe in because he would want to check it out himself. Splendid.
So I laid there for about 10 minutes, my thighs clutched together so I could hold in this mammoth dildo. The doctor finally came in, slapped some latex gloves on, and smiled at me as he started to grind into my bajinga with Mr. Probe. He asked me how I was, asked about the symptoms, asked about my family...kids...etc. Let me tell you, small talk ain't easy in this position. Then he yanked the thing out and went back to the other device which he pushed into the skin of my abdomen. He slid it back and forth right next to my C-section scar, which is still very sensitive. It felt like the scar was going to rip open.
Anyhoo, he concluded a few things. 1) my uterus is tilted (hence my ovaries are tilted); 2) my ovaries are high up (hence making them difficult to see); and 3) I have a small cyst on my right ovary. Now, the doc can't see the other side of my ovary because it's against the uteran wall. So who knows what's over there. His solution? "It should probably resolve itself. No need for surgery. And it should really only bother you during your cycle. You can take something for the pain if you need it. Have a nice day."
So I limped out of the office, in pain, feeling violated, but relieved it wasn't anything major. Over the next couple of days the pains came further and further apart, didn't last as long, and decreased in intensity. Today I pretty much feel like myself again. I just can't wait until my friend comes back next month. Sigh.
Ok, this post is getting very long. I was giong to rant about the murder of Dimebag Darrell from Pantera and Damage Plan. I was going to rant some more about Christmas. I was going to rant a bit about work. And I'm pretty sure there was a crapload of other stuff too. But it's getting close to closing time at work and there's only so many words I can type in one sitting. So it looks like I'll have to wait till tomorrow to continue.
Til then...
PS-Please ignore all typos as I don't feel like going through this post again. :)
posted by Meghan at 6:48 PM
2 Comments:
you are so funny! i'm currently going to an IVF clinic & have become very well acquainted with "THE PROBE" - totally crazy. but hope you are feeling better - i've had a cysts on my left ovary for years & your dr is right normally it will only bother you during your cycle but the pain can be wicked.
so glad you worked things out with your friend - it sucks when things aren't right with someone you care about.
catching the chrismas spirit yet? i'm already disgusted - driving myself crazy trying to find a train table that is sold put everywhere for a child who is too young to care anyway. humbug.
good luck with the title for your work - i can't offer any suggestions - zero creative talent here.
look forward to your next post! love, melanie
Are you trying to have another baby? :) That's great! Yeah, unfortunately a lot of women have been aquainted with the dildo of doom. Guys have no idea how easy they have it. They think that just because they have to get examined once a year with a finger up their butt and a turn your head and cough that this somehow equals what women go through. HA! I'd love to see my husband go through childbirth! Anyhoo, great to hear from you! Stay in touch!
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