Can't Pull Myself Off The Pity Pot
So if you're not in the mood to hear me whine, exit the site now. Honestly, I can't put my finger on just one thing to complain about. It's not really so much something that's happened as something I'm feeling. The past couple of months I've been feeling a mixture of depression and happiness. When something good happens, I get happy. But for the most part I'm my miserable self. But the past couple of weeks, even the good things don't seem to put a smile on my face.
I lack motivation. I don't even have the desire to do the things I used to love anymore. Writing being one of them. I had all these plans, projects...now, I just don't care enough to see any of them through. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me.
I know what some of the problems are...but unfortunately those are the ones I don't feel comfortable putting out there into the public eye. I know I have a mental defect that makes me take things the wrong way, get paranoid, and basically overreact to just about everything. This I know. But still...why now is it getting worse? Why all of a sudden has it spun out of control?
The job is sucking more than ever before. Home life has become stagnant. My will to get out of bed every morning gets smaller and smaller every day. I don't think it is these things causing the problem, I think it is the problem causing these things. And I wish I knew a way to stop it.
The people closest to me always tell me to snap out of it. Get over it. Don't be so sensitive. Just get up and DO something. I can't blame them. They are right...it's just not that simple for me though. Maybe you think I'm just a big whiner who is too lazy to do anything about changing her life. Maybe you're right. But that doesn't really matter. Sometimes you sink so low that it's impossible to see where to climb out. At least for now. So I'm not asking for sympathy. I'm not asking for "are you ok?" emails and all my friends to come and hold my hand. Though I suspect some will. All I needed to do was vent. Though it might not have made anything any better, at least I'm getting it out. I should be writing a story to exorcise these demons, but I don't see that happening right now.
I really don't know why I'm writing this. It's not entertaining, or helpful. I just felt the need to write it. Anyway, rant over. Sorry for wasting your Internet time.
So if you're not in the mood to hear me whine, exit the site now. Honestly, I can't put my finger on just one thing to complain about. It's not really so much something that's happened as something I'm feeling. The past couple of months I've been feeling a mixture of depression and happiness. When something good happens, I get happy. But for the most part I'm my miserable self. But the past couple of weeks, even the good things don't seem to put a smile on my face.
I lack motivation. I don't even have the desire to do the things I used to love anymore. Writing being one of them. I had all these plans, projects...now, I just don't care enough to see any of them through. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me.
I know what some of the problems are...but unfortunately those are the ones I don't feel comfortable putting out there into the public eye. I know I have a mental defect that makes me take things the wrong way, get paranoid, and basically overreact to just about everything. This I know. But still...why now is it getting worse? Why all of a sudden has it spun out of control?
The job is sucking more than ever before. Home life has become stagnant. My will to get out of bed every morning gets smaller and smaller every day. I don't think it is these things causing the problem, I think it is the problem causing these things. And I wish I knew a way to stop it.
The people closest to me always tell me to snap out of it. Get over it. Don't be so sensitive. Just get up and DO something. I can't blame them. They are right...it's just not that simple for me though. Maybe you think I'm just a big whiner who is too lazy to do anything about changing her life. Maybe you're right. But that doesn't really matter. Sometimes you sink so low that it's impossible to see where to climb out. At least for now. So I'm not asking for sympathy. I'm not asking for "are you ok?" emails and all my friends to come and hold my hand. Though I suspect some will. All I needed to do was vent. Though it might not have made anything any better, at least I'm getting it out. I should be writing a story to exorcise these demons, but I don't see that happening right now.
I really don't know why I'm writing this. It's not entertaining, or helpful. I just felt the need to write it. Anyway, rant over. Sorry for wasting your Internet time.
posted by Meghan at 11:02 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home