Exciting News Turns To Crap
Sorry it's been a while since my last posting. Things have been busy and I didn't really have anything all that interesting to say. But yesterday I got news on that possible exciting prospect I told you about. Like most of the crap in my life, it turned out to be bad news. Without going into too much detail, I'll give you the basics. I applied for a job at a NY fiction publishing company. It was my dream job. I was overly excited because I knew I was qualified for the poistion. Hell, I was overqualified for the position. But it didn't matter to me. I just wanted to break into fiction publishing and I didn't care where I started. I even got a recommendation from an editor there. But it wasn't meant to be. I prepared myself for a HUGE pay cut and worked out all the details. Everyone was telling me I was a shoe-in. And as much as I told myself I wouldn't, I did get my hopes up. Very up. But they were shot down yesterday when I got a message on my work voice mail that it was not to be. Another one bites the dust.
Maybe I wouldn't be so entirely bummed if I wasn't stuck in this hell hole. Things get worse and worse here. I try to bounce everything off my thick skin, let my natural "tough" and independant personality work in my favor. But when you've been beaten down for so long, it's hard to stay strong. This place has beeen chisseling away at my confidence and my entire personality for so long now, I feel little of my "spunk," as my family likes to call it, is left. I'm afraid if I stay here much longer, I'll be nothing but an empty shell, performing my work like a robot and collapsing on the bed every night after work, forgetting about all the things I love to do. Don't laugh, those of you that have had or are in a job that treats you like scum know what I mean. Sooner or later you stsrt to believe them. I saw a chance for escape and just like that it was pulled out from under me, and I fell deeper into the pit.
I know there are other jobs out there, but simply finding another one isn't exactly easy. I have no degree. My experience is in a limited field. I'm either over or under qualified for everything I apply for, and believe me, I've been applying. I've sent out over a hundred resumes in the past year, this last job was the closest I've come to getting out of here. Being the breadwinner makes it even harder.
Sorry to go off on a depresive rant, but this affected me worse than I thought it would. I just feel stuck, trapped. It's not a pleasant feeling. And I can't see a way to get out.
I haven't given up on the memoir. I got a little further with it, but honestly things have been a little fucked up the past few days. I'm hoping to get more into it today. But right now I'm at the pit, trying to get shit done so I can go home. I was off Thursday so I could go on the interview and I'm making up for it today. Hardly seems worth it now.
I don't think I can bring anything funny or happy into this post, so I'm just going to end it. Until next time...
Sorry it's been a while since my last posting. Things have been busy and I didn't really have anything all that interesting to say. But yesterday I got news on that possible exciting prospect I told you about. Like most of the crap in my life, it turned out to be bad news. Without going into too much detail, I'll give you the basics. I applied for a job at a NY fiction publishing company. It was my dream job. I was overly excited because I knew I was qualified for the poistion. Hell, I was overqualified for the position. But it didn't matter to me. I just wanted to break into fiction publishing and I didn't care where I started. I even got a recommendation from an editor there. But it wasn't meant to be. I prepared myself for a HUGE pay cut and worked out all the details. Everyone was telling me I was a shoe-in. And as much as I told myself I wouldn't, I did get my hopes up. Very up. But they were shot down yesterday when I got a message on my work voice mail that it was not to be. Another one bites the dust.
Maybe I wouldn't be so entirely bummed if I wasn't stuck in this hell hole. Things get worse and worse here. I try to bounce everything off my thick skin, let my natural "tough" and independant personality work in my favor. But when you've been beaten down for so long, it's hard to stay strong. This place has beeen chisseling away at my confidence and my entire personality for so long now, I feel little of my "spunk," as my family likes to call it, is left. I'm afraid if I stay here much longer, I'll be nothing but an empty shell, performing my work like a robot and collapsing on the bed every night after work, forgetting about all the things I love to do. Don't laugh, those of you that have had or are in a job that treats you like scum know what I mean. Sooner or later you stsrt to believe them. I saw a chance for escape and just like that it was pulled out from under me, and I fell deeper into the pit.
I know there are other jobs out there, but simply finding another one isn't exactly easy. I have no degree. My experience is in a limited field. I'm either over or under qualified for everything I apply for, and believe me, I've been applying. I've sent out over a hundred resumes in the past year, this last job was the closest I've come to getting out of here. Being the breadwinner makes it even harder.
Sorry to go off on a depresive rant, but this affected me worse than I thought it would. I just feel stuck, trapped. It's not a pleasant feeling. And I can't see a way to get out.
I haven't given up on the memoir. I got a little further with it, but honestly things have been a little fucked up the past few days. I'm hoping to get more into it today. But right now I'm at the pit, trying to get shit done so I can go home. I was off Thursday so I could go on the interview and I'm making up for it today. Hardly seems worth it now.
I don't think I can bring anything funny or happy into this post, so I'm just going to end it. Until next time...
posted by Meghan at 11:16 AM
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