Just When I Thought I Saw A Light
In my life, I have found, that whenever things are looking up, something bad happens. Maybe because I am a pessimist, I bring this on myself. Maybe I was Hitler in a past life. Maybe Coop is right, "everything sucks all the time." I don't know. You think I'd be used to shit like this by now. But still, every time I get knocked down, it hurts.
You may wonder what the hell I'm talking about. For those who have been reading this blog for awhile, you know that I left a lucrative (but horrible) job in publishing to freelance from home. You also know that the training took twice as long as expected and then the work dried up, not to come back until January. I was upset then, but I got through it, knowing that I just had to make it through a couple of months. Then I got the bad news.
Turns out, there will be no work in January, no work ever. Not from this company at least. Apparently the new owners want to get rid of all but 15 freelancers. Since I'm one of the newest, I'm one to go. My friend did everything she could, but it is what it is. She didn't see it coming. I don't blame her.
So here I am, working a maximum of 26 1/2 hours a week, for $7.25 an hour at a job that is killing me. Once the baby comes in April, I can no longer do this job, because I can't work during the day. I can't get a "real" job like I had in publishing because I can't afford daycare. I've looked online for freelance work, but the best I could do is bid on projects that may or may not come. Nothing stable, nothing consistent. I've screwed myself yet again.
Where does this leave me? Terrified. Everyone keeps telling me, "keep your chin up. You'll find something. It'll all work out." Honestly though, how do they know? They don't know how much money I owe my parents, my parents who have next to nothing themselves. If I can't start paying them rent soon, they'll have to sell the house. And where will we go? We can't afford the $900 a month we're supposed to be giving them, where the hell are we going to live? I'm in debt to my eyeballs, how the hell am I going to pay it off? How am I going to afford the new baby? The car we bought...we'll probably end up losing it. Repossesion is a bitch. I've had friends who have gone through it.
Yeah, I'll keep my chin up, then hell will freeze over. Not my style to just smile and assume everything will work itself out. I'm royally fucked, and I don't know how I'm going to get out of this mess.
Enough whining for now...
In my life, I have found, that whenever things are looking up, something bad happens. Maybe because I am a pessimist, I bring this on myself. Maybe I was Hitler in a past life. Maybe Coop is right, "everything sucks all the time." I don't know. You think I'd be used to shit like this by now. But still, every time I get knocked down, it hurts.
You may wonder what the hell I'm talking about. For those who have been reading this blog for awhile, you know that I left a lucrative (but horrible) job in publishing to freelance from home. You also know that the training took twice as long as expected and then the work dried up, not to come back until January. I was upset then, but I got through it, knowing that I just had to make it through a couple of months. Then I got the bad news.
Turns out, there will be no work in January, no work ever. Not from this company at least. Apparently the new owners want to get rid of all but 15 freelancers. Since I'm one of the newest, I'm one to go. My friend did everything she could, but it is what it is. She didn't see it coming. I don't blame her.
So here I am, working a maximum of 26 1/2 hours a week, for $7.25 an hour at a job that is killing me. Once the baby comes in April, I can no longer do this job, because I can't work during the day. I can't get a "real" job like I had in publishing because I can't afford daycare. I've looked online for freelance work, but the best I could do is bid on projects that may or may not come. Nothing stable, nothing consistent. I've screwed myself yet again.
Where does this leave me? Terrified. Everyone keeps telling me, "keep your chin up. You'll find something. It'll all work out." Honestly though, how do they know? They don't know how much money I owe my parents, my parents who have next to nothing themselves. If I can't start paying them rent soon, they'll have to sell the house. And where will we go? We can't afford the $900 a month we're supposed to be giving them, where the hell are we going to live? I'm in debt to my eyeballs, how the hell am I going to pay it off? How am I going to afford the new baby? The car we bought...we'll probably end up losing it. Repossesion is a bitch. I've had friends who have gone through it.
Yeah, I'll keep my chin up, then hell will freeze over. Not my style to just smile and assume everything will work itself out. I'm royally fucked, and I don't know how I'm going to get out of this mess.
Enough whining for now...
posted by Meghan at 9:31 PM
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