Having A Bad Day
Tomorrow is my birthday. I should be happy. But I'm not going to enjoy my birthday this year, because I'm too upset about what's happened today.
I went out to eat last night with a couple of friends. I got home about 10:30 and noticed there was blood on my comforter. I walked over to my oldest cat, Clifford, and checked him. His hind legs were caked with blood.
I immediately freaked out. You all know how calm I am in a crisis. I showed my husband and we both tried to figure out where it was coming from. Turned out it was coming from, how do I say this delicately, where he takes a pee. It was too late to go to a vet and there was no way in hell we could afford an emergency visit. The bleeding seemed to have stopped, but we put him in the basement with some food and water just in case.
I called my vet first thing this morning. He's on vacation until April 4th. So I call the vet in Madison, the next town over. I explain that he's bleeding (overnight it got worse) and that I needed to get in there ASAP. They were very considerate and told me to come right down. My mom came home from work to watch the kids, I put Cliff in the cat carrier (which normally takes an hour because he hates going in there, but he just let me put him right in, so I knew it had to be bad), and took off.
He meowed a couple of times, but was very quiet. That's not like him at all. He hates the cat carrier and he really hates the car. I got him to the vet and they let us right in. The doctor felt around and immediately determined that it was a severe urinary tract infection. His bladder was overly full, to the point where it was causing the bleeding. He was also very dehydrated. She said there was probably extensive damage to his kidneys, but she wouldn't know how much without doing some tests. She gave it to me straight. She could put him on an IV, run scores of tests, and do whatever she could to help him. It would cost A LOT of money, and his prognosis would still be poor. He was just too far gone.
I broke down then. I didn't have the money to help him, and even if I did, there was no guarantee he'd get any better. I was so angry at myself. How could I have missed this? How could it have gotten this bad without me noticing? Fran and I had been discussing how odd it was that he was bleeding like that, because he had been himself right up until yesterday. He was playful, ate, drank, snuggled. How could he go from that to near death so quickly?
The doctor explained that he probably hadn't gone to the bathroom in a couple of days, but when you have more than one cat, it's hard to tell if they're going to the bathroom. I see the litter box and assume they're both contributing. Apparently I was wrong.
I asked if he was in pain, she told me it definately wasn't comfortable, but the dehydration was probably making him sluggish and he seemed content. That's the other thing. He hadn't been crying, or even acting out of the ordinary. How were we supposed to know? The doctor assured me that things like this can happen and that some cats just don't let you know how they feel until it's too late. But I still feel guilty. I still feel like I should have seen this, I should have done something.
So I had no choice but to put him down. I couldn't afford the battery of tests or any procedures to attempt to cure him. Hell, even my parents had to pay for the euthenasia (sp?). The doctor told me I was doing the right thing, that she was so sorry she couldn't help him more. She told me he'd be at peace. I still feel like shit.
My daughter took it hard. He was her favorite because he would actually sit on her lap and let her pet him. He was the calm one, the one that loved to be loved. So now I'm down to one cat. Poe has been with Cliff since the beginning. He's never been by himself. I have no idea how he's going to react to this. He knew there was something up yesterday. He was very protective of Cliff and wouldn't leave his side. Now he's on his own. We're not getting another cat. Times like this make me think I'll never get any more pets. This is the hard part. They don't live forever...and it's breaks my heart.
Anyway, I better go. I'm just bringing myself down again.
I went out to eat last night with a couple of friends. I got home about 10:30 and noticed there was blood on my comforter. I walked over to my oldest cat, Clifford, and checked him. His hind legs were caked with blood.
I immediately freaked out. You all know how calm I am in a crisis. I showed my husband and we both tried to figure out where it was coming from. Turned out it was coming from, how do I say this delicately, where he takes a pee. It was too late to go to a vet and there was no way in hell we could afford an emergency visit. The bleeding seemed to have stopped, but we put him in the basement with some food and water just in case.
I called my vet first thing this morning. He's on vacation until April 4th. So I call the vet in Madison, the next town over. I explain that he's bleeding (overnight it got worse) and that I needed to get in there ASAP. They were very considerate and told me to come right down. My mom came home from work to watch the kids, I put Cliff in the cat carrier (which normally takes an hour because he hates going in there, but he just let me put him right in, so I knew it had to be bad), and took off.
He meowed a couple of times, but was very quiet. That's not like him at all. He hates the cat carrier and he really hates the car. I got him to the vet and they let us right in. The doctor felt around and immediately determined that it was a severe urinary tract infection. His bladder was overly full, to the point where it was causing the bleeding. He was also very dehydrated. She said there was probably extensive damage to his kidneys, but she wouldn't know how much without doing some tests. She gave it to me straight. She could put him on an IV, run scores of tests, and do whatever she could to help him. It would cost A LOT of money, and his prognosis would still be poor. He was just too far gone.
I broke down then. I didn't have the money to help him, and even if I did, there was no guarantee he'd get any better. I was so angry at myself. How could I have missed this? How could it have gotten this bad without me noticing? Fran and I had been discussing how odd it was that he was bleeding like that, because he had been himself right up until yesterday. He was playful, ate, drank, snuggled. How could he go from that to near death so quickly?
The doctor explained that he probably hadn't gone to the bathroom in a couple of days, but when you have more than one cat, it's hard to tell if they're going to the bathroom. I see the litter box and assume they're both contributing. Apparently I was wrong.
I asked if he was in pain, she told me it definately wasn't comfortable, but the dehydration was probably making him sluggish and he seemed content. That's the other thing. He hadn't been crying, or even acting out of the ordinary. How were we supposed to know? The doctor assured me that things like this can happen and that some cats just don't let you know how they feel until it's too late. But I still feel guilty. I still feel like I should have seen this, I should have done something.
So I had no choice but to put him down. I couldn't afford the battery of tests or any procedures to attempt to cure him. Hell, even my parents had to pay for the euthenasia (sp?). The doctor told me I was doing the right thing, that she was so sorry she couldn't help him more. She told me he'd be at peace. I still feel like shit.
My daughter took it hard. He was her favorite because he would actually sit on her lap and let her pet him. He was the calm one, the one that loved to be loved. So now I'm down to one cat. Poe has been with Cliff since the beginning. He's never been by himself. I have no idea how he's going to react to this. He knew there was something up yesterday. He was very protective of Cliff and wouldn't leave his side. Now he's on his own. We're not getting another cat. Times like this make me think I'll never get any more pets. This is the hard part. They don't live forever...and it's breaks my heart.
Anyway, I better go. I'm just bringing myself down again.
posted by Meghan at 3:17 PM
4 Comments:
Meghan, I'm so sorry about the loss of your cat. It's so sad. Just wanted to wish you a "Happy Birthday" anyway sweets. .. Thinking of you, Melanie
Damn, not a very good birthday present at all. :( Sorry to hear about that, and as the owner of two cats, one who was recently in poor health, I can sympathize. - Matt
Hi Meghan, I'm AndyApocalypse from the Brian Keene boards and let me just say, I know exactly what you’re going through. In July of 2004, my cat Roofus went through the exact same thing. I started to notice that he wasn't going to the box as often and then the next day it clicked, he wasn't going at all. My father assumed that he had a hairball lodged somewhere inside. The next day, we purchased a paste that is supposed to dislodge hairballs. We gave the stuff to him for 2 days and still, no results.
The following morning we noticed the bleeding and well, you can surmise what happened from there. Unfortunately, we didn't have the money at the time to have my cat put to sleep and he ended up dying painfully. Putting your cat to sleep was the best thing for him in the situation, believe me, I wish that I could've done the same for my cat.
Thanks guys. I appreciate your kind words. And Andy, I'm so sorry to hear about what happened to your little guy. That is just awful.
I'm a HUGE animal lover and if I had the money and space, I'd probably have dozens of pets. But at times like this, it seems like getting a pet is just "buying a tradgedy" like Carlin says. (Thanks to Joe for the Carlin quote.)
So the chihuahua I wanted is on hold. I'm in mourning and just not ready for another pet.
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