A Light At The End Of The Tunnel
I'm in much better spirits today than I was at the last posting. I did a lot of thinking after being turned down for the publishing job. I thought to myself, what are my priorities? What is most important to me? Number one would have to be my family, and in particular, my daughter. She hasn't had the easiest upbringing. I had her at seventeen and was able to stay home with her until she was about a year old. Then I started working full-time and going to school full-time. That was tough. But I lived with my parents, and even though her father (or sperm donor as I like to refer to him) wasn't around, my parents were always there for her when I wasn't. Eventually it all got to be too much on me, so I stopped working and just did the school thing, until the money ran out. Then it was school on hold and work work work. Since then I've hopped from job to job, trying to find something that suited me and paid me enough to get by. 3 years ago I found this job and couldn't have been happier. I would get to write (even if it was boring employment law crap) and get paid REALLY well. But it also involves a hell of a commute and a lot of work. Sometimes I end up bringing it home or coming in on a Saturday. (Not to mention the past year I've turned into the office whipping girl) This left little time for me to spend with my daughter, and again my parents were the ones looking after her. I'm close with my daughter, I love her more than anything. When I have to tell her that I can't go to her school function, or volunteer for lunch duty, because I have to work, it breaks my heart. She goes to a school in a town where the families have MONEY. There are very few working moms in that school, so Kimi ends up feeling left out.
Second after Kimi would be my writing. What I REALLY want to do with my life. Again, the job I have now prevents me from having much time to write. And the time I do have, I'm usually to exhausted, stressed, or frustrated to be able to write. Looking at these two things, I decided what was best for me was to work at home. Lucky for me my friend works at a companty that uses a lot of freelancers. I talked to her and she said she'd be able to get me as much work as I needed, so I know I can make as much if not more than I'm making now. It's not the most interesting work (hell, can't be worse than where I am now) but at least I'd be home, setting my own hours. I can go to school functions during the day or volunteer for lunch duty. I can pick Kimi up from school at 2:30 and help her with her homework instead of paying for her to go to an aftercare program. I can take breaks whenever I want and write. This is the perfect set-up. And I'm going to do it.
I start training for the freelance this week and should be able to do it full-time by mid-July. I so can't wait to tell my boss I'm leaving. It makes every day here at the Pit a little more bareable. It'll take discipline and dedication, but I know I can do it. For once I feel like I'm doing what's best for me, and my family. I haven't put myself first in a long time, and it feels good.
I just want to take some time to thank a few people who have been so good to me the last couple of weeks, helping me to come to this decision. Mary, Doug, Matt, Brian, I owe you guys a lot. Thank you for always being there! I love you guys!
With that, I'm gonnna go. I do have a lot of work to get done today at the Pit. I may have to stay late as it is. But you know what? I don't seem to mind very much, because I know these days of stress and anger at work are numbered. :)
I'm in much better spirits today than I was at the last posting. I did a lot of thinking after being turned down for the publishing job. I thought to myself, what are my priorities? What is most important to me? Number one would have to be my family, and in particular, my daughter. She hasn't had the easiest upbringing. I had her at seventeen and was able to stay home with her until she was about a year old. Then I started working full-time and going to school full-time. That was tough. But I lived with my parents, and even though her father (or sperm donor as I like to refer to him) wasn't around, my parents were always there for her when I wasn't. Eventually it all got to be too much on me, so I stopped working and just did the school thing, until the money ran out. Then it was school on hold and work work work. Since then I've hopped from job to job, trying to find something that suited me and paid me enough to get by. 3 years ago I found this job and couldn't have been happier. I would get to write (even if it was boring employment law crap) and get paid REALLY well. But it also involves a hell of a commute and a lot of work. Sometimes I end up bringing it home or coming in on a Saturday. (Not to mention the past year I've turned into the office whipping girl) This left little time for me to spend with my daughter, and again my parents were the ones looking after her. I'm close with my daughter, I love her more than anything. When I have to tell her that I can't go to her school function, or volunteer for lunch duty, because I have to work, it breaks my heart. She goes to a school in a town where the families have MONEY. There are very few working moms in that school, so Kimi ends up feeling left out.
Second after Kimi would be my writing. What I REALLY want to do with my life. Again, the job I have now prevents me from having much time to write. And the time I do have, I'm usually to exhausted, stressed, or frustrated to be able to write. Looking at these two things, I decided what was best for me was to work at home. Lucky for me my friend works at a companty that uses a lot of freelancers. I talked to her and she said she'd be able to get me as much work as I needed, so I know I can make as much if not more than I'm making now. It's not the most interesting work (hell, can't be worse than where I am now) but at least I'd be home, setting my own hours. I can go to school functions during the day or volunteer for lunch duty. I can pick Kimi up from school at 2:30 and help her with her homework instead of paying for her to go to an aftercare program. I can take breaks whenever I want and write. This is the perfect set-up. And I'm going to do it.
I start training for the freelance this week and should be able to do it full-time by mid-July. I so can't wait to tell my boss I'm leaving. It makes every day here at the Pit a little more bareable. It'll take discipline and dedication, but I know I can do it. For once I feel like I'm doing what's best for me, and my family. I haven't put myself first in a long time, and it feels good.
I just want to take some time to thank a few people who have been so good to me the last couple of weeks, helping me to come to this decision. Mary, Doug, Matt, Brian, I owe you guys a lot. Thank you for always being there! I love you guys!
With that, I'm gonnna go. I do have a lot of work to get done today at the Pit. I may have to stay late as it is. But you know what? I don't seem to mind very much, because I know these days of stress and anger at work are numbered. :)
posted by Meghan at 11:18 AM
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