Guess Who's Back...Back Again
Ladies and gentlemen, the one, the only....Meghan "disappearing act" Fatras is in the building!
Ok, so I know I've been bad, neglecting my five readers, and for that, I am sorry. I can give you all the excuses in the world, how busy work has been, how my computer at home is fried and needs to be fixed (I'm on my parents' now), how tired I am when I am home, blah blah blah. But the truth of the matter is, when I need to get shit out, I don't let any of that stop me. So why have I been in hiding? Because what little I have to rant about that isn't the same shit you always see on here, I don't feel comfortable sharing just yet.
Quite honestly, I've been hanging out in the bad place for awhile now. From the outside, everything looks fine. I get up every morning and go to work, bust my ass, and go home. I even go out on occassion with some of the people I work with...I drink, I laugh, I dance. I BS with the folks at work and make jokes and act like the typical "Megs." But the inside is a whole other world.
The bad place is in my head and I can't seem to get away from it. If I keep myself busy at work and hanging with friends, I can keep it at bay for awhile. But it always comes crashing back full force once I'm alone. Sometimes it creeps through even when I am with people. Those are the days at work where my co-workers steer clear.
What can I say? I've been sucked in. There's a lot running around my head, most of it depression, lonliness, and guilt. Funny how you can be surrounded by people yet still feel all alone...isn't it? There are things in my head that scare me. There are things in my head that make me cry. Hell, I can't fall asleep these days without sobbing into my pillow. The only thing that keeps me going is my kids...and the thought that it could all get better soon.
That's the good news, I suppose. I haven't given up all hope. I still cling to that tiny thread that it could all turn around. I just hope that in the meantime that thread doesn't snap.
So, to all of you who have been wondering, I'm alive. I may not be well...but alive indeed. I'd promise to post more often, but I don't want to make a promise I can't keep. All I can tell you is that I'll try. But before I go, I just want to thank you guys for thinking of me. It's nice to know that some people really do care.
Till next time...
Ok, so I know I've been bad, neglecting my five readers, and for that, I am sorry. I can give you all the excuses in the world, how busy work has been, how my computer at home is fried and needs to be fixed (I'm on my parents' now), how tired I am when I am home, blah blah blah. But the truth of the matter is, when I need to get shit out, I don't let any of that stop me. So why have I been in hiding? Because what little I have to rant about that isn't the same shit you always see on here, I don't feel comfortable sharing just yet.
Quite honestly, I've been hanging out in the bad place for awhile now. From the outside, everything looks fine. I get up every morning and go to work, bust my ass, and go home. I even go out on occassion with some of the people I work with...I drink, I laugh, I dance. I BS with the folks at work and make jokes and act like the typical "Megs." But the inside is a whole other world.
The bad place is in my head and I can't seem to get away from it. If I keep myself busy at work and hanging with friends, I can keep it at bay for awhile. But it always comes crashing back full force once I'm alone. Sometimes it creeps through even when I am with people. Those are the days at work where my co-workers steer clear.
What can I say? I've been sucked in. There's a lot running around my head, most of it depression, lonliness, and guilt. Funny how you can be surrounded by people yet still feel all alone...isn't it? There are things in my head that scare me. There are things in my head that make me cry. Hell, I can't fall asleep these days without sobbing into my pillow. The only thing that keeps me going is my kids...and the thought that it could all get better soon.
That's the good news, I suppose. I haven't given up all hope. I still cling to that tiny thread that it could all turn around. I just hope that in the meantime that thread doesn't snap.
So, to all of you who have been wondering, I'm alive. I may not be well...but alive indeed. I'd promise to post more often, but I don't want to make a promise I can't keep. All I can tell you is that I'll try. But before I go, I just want to thank you guys for thinking of me. It's nice to know that some people really do care.
Till next time...
posted by Meghan at 9:43 AM
2 Comments:
Sorry you're feeling bad. Give me and Deena a call sometime, eh? We've had some badness happening here that we'd be happy to share; misery loves company. ;)
Matt
I'm sorry to hear you've had some badness as well. Is it that time of year? ;) I'll definitely give you a call this weekend. I'd love to talk to you guys! I miss you both!
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