The Road To Recovery Sucks
Ok, so I gave up the fight. My shrink wants me back on meds, and I have finally relented. I haven't been on any meds in over five years. They never did much for me. I've been on the big 3. Prozac, Zoloft, and Paxil...in that order. I don't remember feeling any better on them, though my parents claimed there was a marked improvement. My husband, however, begs to differ. He was with me on the last one, we had been dating for about a year. It caused a lot of problems in the relationship because he claimed I was zombified all the time. Never wanted to go out, always taking naps and sleeping for 16 hours a day. It wasn't a good scene. So when I went off, I vowed to take care of my mental problems in my own way, without the help of meds.
I did ok for awhile. I still had panic attacks, manic attacks, and depressive bouts, but I seemed to be handling them ok. Times of stress were bad, but they passed eventually. But the past frew months have become unbearable. I have to drag myself out of bed every morning. Some mornings I wish I hadn't woken up at all. Some nights I go to bed wishing to just go in my sleep...make life easier. No, I didn't write any suicide notes or plan on offing myself. Big difference between wishing things would end and actually thinking about ending them yourself. So don't go calling the men in the white coats on me.
Without giving you the gory details, and I'm sure you can tell by the past few blog entries, it's safe to say that I have been in a bad place for awhile now. I've been seeing my shrink again for about a month, and she literally begged me to try a new medication at our last session. So yesterday afternoon I went to the doctor, filled out their mental forms, and got put on a new drug. Effexor. The doctor claimed it had less side effects than the big 3 and seemed to be helping people like me. I took my first one this morning, I'm supposed to start with 2 a day for a week, then move to 4 a day. Shit, that's a lot of pills.
Anyhoo, took my first one about 7 this morning. Love the warning label on it. Take with food (not a good sign) and may make you drowsy (great, more zombification). I hit the road for my 45 minute commute to work just after taking it, then about halfway through my trip, I lost it. I got so nauseaus I thought I'd have to pull over to vomit, but luckily I didn't. I had my piece of bread with my pill, but that was all that was in my stomach. Then I started getting all nervous and jittery. Then I just went into a full blown panic attack, tears and all. Let me tell you, it is not safe to be hysterical while driving up route 287. Fuck.
I get to work, calm myself down, and go online. I know nothing about this drug. Here is what I found:
Will I have side effects with EFFEXOR® XR? What should I expect?
Usually, when you start taking any new medication, it takes a little while for your body to get used to it.
Possible side effects with EFFEXOR® XR include nausea (which lessens in most people), dizziness, sleepiness, abnormal ejaculation, sweating, dry mouth, nervousness, insomnia, anorexia (loss of appetite), and constipation. If you have some initial problems adjusting to EFFEXOR® XR, remember that nausea usually goes away within 2 weeks of starting treatment. If it does not, or if serious side effects occur, talk to your doctor. For more information, read the Prescribing Information or consult your doctor.
EFFEXOR® XR may raise blood pressure; therefore, regular monitoring of blood pressure is recommended.
EFFEXOR® XR may impair judgment, thinking, or motor skills; you should exercise caution until you have adapted to therapy.
Great, huh? So I'm guessing this one ain't for me. But I'm sure my doc will want me to continue on it for a little while, to see if the symptoms pass. So once agsain I'm caught up in the medication game. Will this one work? Try it for 6 weeks. No? Ok, try this one. No? Ok, try this one. All the while I'm arguing with my husband who is pissed that I decided to go back on the medication route. He's convinced it will ruin our marriage. I had to say to him, no offense, but is it doing so well now? I mean, I'm a miserable bitch all the time that basically wants nothing to do with anyone. Yeah, I must be fun to be married to. I know, it's been one day, but I can tell this is just going to open a can of worms. This is something I have avoided dealing with for some time now, and I hate that I'm back in the game. I feel like I failed. But what can I do? I have professionals telling me they're worried about me. I have family wondering what the hell my problem is. I have friends who are constantly checking in on me to see if I'm ok. That's gotta tell me something.
Shit, this turned into a long whiny post. Sorry for that. I just figured, if I'm on the medication trip, I might as well document it. Maybe it will be useful one day to somebody.
Ok, so I gave up the fight. My shrink wants me back on meds, and I have finally relented. I haven't been on any meds in over five years. They never did much for me. I've been on the big 3. Prozac, Zoloft, and Paxil...in that order. I don't remember feeling any better on them, though my parents claimed there was a marked improvement. My husband, however, begs to differ. He was with me on the last one, we had been dating for about a year. It caused a lot of problems in the relationship because he claimed I was zombified all the time. Never wanted to go out, always taking naps and sleeping for 16 hours a day. It wasn't a good scene. So when I went off, I vowed to take care of my mental problems in my own way, without the help of meds.
I did ok for awhile. I still had panic attacks, manic attacks, and depressive bouts, but I seemed to be handling them ok. Times of stress were bad, but they passed eventually. But the past frew months have become unbearable. I have to drag myself out of bed every morning. Some mornings I wish I hadn't woken up at all. Some nights I go to bed wishing to just go in my sleep...make life easier. No, I didn't write any suicide notes or plan on offing myself. Big difference between wishing things would end and actually thinking about ending them yourself. So don't go calling the men in the white coats on me.
Without giving you the gory details, and I'm sure you can tell by the past few blog entries, it's safe to say that I have been in a bad place for awhile now. I've been seeing my shrink again for about a month, and she literally begged me to try a new medication at our last session. So yesterday afternoon I went to the doctor, filled out their mental forms, and got put on a new drug. Effexor. The doctor claimed it had less side effects than the big 3 and seemed to be helping people like me. I took my first one this morning, I'm supposed to start with 2 a day for a week, then move to 4 a day. Shit, that's a lot of pills.
Anyhoo, took my first one about 7 this morning. Love the warning label on it. Take with food (not a good sign) and may make you drowsy (great, more zombification). I hit the road for my 45 minute commute to work just after taking it, then about halfway through my trip, I lost it. I got so nauseaus I thought I'd have to pull over to vomit, but luckily I didn't. I had my piece of bread with my pill, but that was all that was in my stomach. Then I started getting all nervous and jittery. Then I just went into a full blown panic attack, tears and all. Let me tell you, it is not safe to be hysterical while driving up route 287. Fuck.
I get to work, calm myself down, and go online. I know nothing about this drug. Here is what I found:
Will I have side effects with EFFEXOR® XR? What should I expect?
Usually, when you start taking any new medication, it takes a little while for your body to get used to it.
Possible side effects with EFFEXOR® XR include nausea (which lessens in most people), dizziness, sleepiness, abnormal ejaculation, sweating, dry mouth, nervousness, insomnia, anorexia (loss of appetite), and constipation. If you have some initial problems adjusting to EFFEXOR® XR, remember that nausea usually goes away within 2 weeks of starting treatment. If it does not, or if serious side effects occur, talk to your doctor. For more information, read the Prescribing Information or consult your doctor.
EFFEXOR® XR may raise blood pressure; therefore, regular monitoring of blood pressure is recommended.
EFFEXOR® XR may impair judgment, thinking, or motor skills; you should exercise caution until you have adapted to therapy.
Great, huh? So I'm guessing this one ain't for me. But I'm sure my doc will want me to continue on it for a little while, to see if the symptoms pass. So once agsain I'm caught up in the medication game. Will this one work? Try it for 6 weeks. No? Ok, try this one. No? Ok, try this one. All the while I'm arguing with my husband who is pissed that I decided to go back on the medication route. He's convinced it will ruin our marriage. I had to say to him, no offense, but is it doing so well now? I mean, I'm a miserable bitch all the time that basically wants nothing to do with anyone. Yeah, I must be fun to be married to. I know, it's been one day, but I can tell this is just going to open a can of worms. This is something I have avoided dealing with for some time now, and I hate that I'm back in the game. I feel like I failed. But what can I do? I have professionals telling me they're worried about me. I have family wondering what the hell my problem is. I have friends who are constantly checking in on me to see if I'm ok. That's gotta tell me something.
Shit, this turned into a long whiny post. Sorry for that. I just figured, if I'm on the medication trip, I might as well document it. Maybe it will be useful one day to somebody.
posted by Meghan at 9:27 AM
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