The Adoption Process
Well, back in 2002 my husband and I began the process of him adopting my daughter. We were able to get her natural father's signature (I call him the sperm donor, since he's NEVER been any kind of father) and got the paperwork going. However, the lawyer wanted $700 up front, the total by the time the process is done will be upwards of $1500. We couldn't come up with the money, and put it on the back burner.
With the new baby coming and all, we felt it was more important than ever to get this process moving again. Kimi keeps asking when she's going to have her father's name. Fran is the only one she's ever known as her father. To her, it's amazing that she needs a piece of paper to say it. I explained that he will ALWAYS be her father, but the adoption is to make the state know that as well.
My brother, who is an absolute angel, is using the same lawyer to close on his house. He's been through hell trying to get into this house, there has been problem after problem. Through it all, he decides that he wants to pay for the adoption at the time of his closing. He tells us to get the paperwork moving again. I hate to take his money, but he loves his neice so much and wants to make sure she feels like she belongs in our family. He knows we don't have the money. So I accepted his offer.
I went to the lawyer yesterday with Fran and refilled out the paperwork. The papers that the sperm donor signed are over a year old, so the lawyer thinks we may need to do it all over again. But he's submitting it all to the court and playing it by ear. If they want it redone, we'll do it. Not like I don't know where he is. He's back in jail again. He actually sent me a letter a couple of weeks ago. Sure, it started out all "how are you, how's the pregnancy, how's Kim and Fran..." (he mispelled Kimi's name and couldn't remember my new last name. not the brightest bulb.) But then it went right into "can you do me a favor?" I don't hear from him unless he needs a favor. Not that I mind not hearing from him more often. I just wish he wouldn't come to me for favors. But if I don't want this adoption contested, I have to deal with him. Thankfully is wasn't to bail him out, like last time. This time he simply wanted me to let a mutual friend (I work with her at TI, she told me she knew him, but wasn't very fond of him) know where he was, and to ask her to write. I told her, she said "just tell him we don't work together anymore." heh
Anyhoo, he mentioned the adoption in the letter, asking if we were still going through with it and to let him know because, "It's one more thing I have to take care of." Nice guy, huh? Like he's EVER taken care of ANYTHING. But I digress.
Long story short...too late...we got the process moving. The lawyer says the next step is to get a court date. DYFS is going to be in touch with us. They're going to want to interview us to make sure this adoption is "in the best interest of the child." Like letting her scum of a sperm donor continue to be her legal father would be remotely in her best interest. Anyhoo, because we are asking the state to intervene, she now becomes a ward of the state. It's all up to them to decide what's best for her. This makes me ill. But it's the only way to do it.
Being the natural worry wart that I am, I keep thinking...what if they don't like us? What if they find out I'm a mental case and take her away? I know I am far from an unfit parent, but it's scary to think that the state has that much power. I mean, we've all heard the cases where DYFS fucked up by either taking a child out of a perfectly good home, or sending one back to a hell hole. The state is far from perfect.
I have no idea when this will all go down. But I'll keep you all posted on the progress, in case any of you out there are thinking of venturing down this road one day.
Well, back in 2002 my husband and I began the process of him adopting my daughter. We were able to get her natural father's signature (I call him the sperm donor, since he's NEVER been any kind of father) and got the paperwork going. However, the lawyer wanted $700 up front, the total by the time the process is done will be upwards of $1500. We couldn't come up with the money, and put it on the back burner.
With the new baby coming and all, we felt it was more important than ever to get this process moving again. Kimi keeps asking when she's going to have her father's name. Fran is the only one she's ever known as her father. To her, it's amazing that she needs a piece of paper to say it. I explained that he will ALWAYS be her father, but the adoption is to make the state know that as well.
My brother, who is an absolute angel, is using the same lawyer to close on his house. He's been through hell trying to get into this house, there has been problem after problem. Through it all, he decides that he wants to pay for the adoption at the time of his closing. He tells us to get the paperwork moving again. I hate to take his money, but he loves his neice so much and wants to make sure she feels like she belongs in our family. He knows we don't have the money. So I accepted his offer.
I went to the lawyer yesterday with Fran and refilled out the paperwork. The papers that the sperm donor signed are over a year old, so the lawyer thinks we may need to do it all over again. But he's submitting it all to the court and playing it by ear. If they want it redone, we'll do it. Not like I don't know where he is. He's back in jail again. He actually sent me a letter a couple of weeks ago. Sure, it started out all "how are you, how's the pregnancy, how's Kim and Fran..." (he mispelled Kimi's name and couldn't remember my new last name. not the brightest bulb.) But then it went right into "can you do me a favor?" I don't hear from him unless he needs a favor. Not that I mind not hearing from him more often. I just wish he wouldn't come to me for favors. But if I don't want this adoption contested, I have to deal with him. Thankfully is wasn't to bail him out, like last time. This time he simply wanted me to let a mutual friend (I work with her at TI, she told me she knew him, but wasn't very fond of him) know where he was, and to ask her to write. I told her, she said "just tell him we don't work together anymore." heh
Anyhoo, he mentioned the adoption in the letter, asking if we were still going through with it and to let him know because, "It's one more thing I have to take care of." Nice guy, huh? Like he's EVER taken care of ANYTHING. But I digress.
Long story short...too late...we got the process moving. The lawyer says the next step is to get a court date. DYFS is going to be in touch with us. They're going to want to interview us to make sure this adoption is "in the best interest of the child." Like letting her scum of a sperm donor continue to be her legal father would be remotely in her best interest. Anyhoo, because we are asking the state to intervene, she now becomes a ward of the state. It's all up to them to decide what's best for her. This makes me ill. But it's the only way to do it.
Being the natural worry wart that I am, I keep thinking...what if they don't like us? What if they find out I'm a mental case and take her away? I know I am far from an unfit parent, but it's scary to think that the state has that much power. I mean, we've all heard the cases where DYFS fucked up by either taking a child out of a perfectly good home, or sending one back to a hell hole. The state is far from perfect.
I have no idea when this will all go down. But I'll keep you all posted on the progress, in case any of you out there are thinking of venturing down this road one day.
posted by Meghan at 4:31 PM
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