Hell Week - Day 3: Back On Track
Ok, I have not slipped up since yesterday morning. I have now made it a little over 24 hours without so much as smelling smoke. I'm proud of myself. And I want to kill everyone I see. I am cranky, quick-tempered, tired, frustrated, and easily annoyed. I fly into rages without being provoked and I growl at anyone who dares step foot in my office. But since that's how I normally am at work, I'm guessing everything will be ok.
I was going to use that nicotine gum, but something about fighting a nicotine habit with nicotine seems wrong. I understand the concept and I don't mean to slam anyone who uses it, I know it has helped some people. But for others, like my father, it becomes a crutch. I know me. I have an EXTREMELY addictive personality. I think that I'd end up just like my dad. I have the gum...just in case the cravings get so intolerable that it's between the gum and smoking. But so far, I've been able to get through by chewing lots of regular gum, gnawing on straws, and sucking on Starbursts. Of course my family has been steering clear of me too, which helps. :)
My sore throat is gone, I still have a cough though. But my allergies were bad yesterday so I can't say whether it's the effects of quitting or not. I spent some time on the Quit Net message boards yesterday and found someone who quit the same day I did who seems to be having just as much trouble. It's good to have someone to vent to who is going through exactly what you are. If anyone out there is thinking of quitting, I highly suggest checking the site out. You don't have to live in NJ to use it. Just go to www.njquitnet.com and put in your info. The basic membership is free, and it definitely helps.
I've been having trouble sleeping the past couple of nights. I think it's a combination of my allergies, quitting, and my sentence at the Pit winding down. I'm thrilled to be getting out of here but nervous at the same time. Freelancing is taking a big chance. It's not a stable paycheck. What if the company I work for hits a slow time and can't guarantee me enough work to live off of. What do I do then? I knew I was taking a chance when I got into this, but the only way to get where you want to be is by taking chances. I just hope this one doesn't come back to bite me in the ass.
Remember how I told you about my plumbing issues and my doc appt. last week? I've been calling every day and my doc doesn't seem to be around. The receptionist tells me it can take weeks for test results to come back. Funny, I've been going to a plumbing doc since I was 14....never had to wait more than a couple of days to get the AOK call. So what does this mean? Is she stalling? Is it bad news that they have to look into further? Did they screw up the tests and can't find the results? Is it really taking this long to process? Is my doc a ditz who can't seem to call me back? I hate not knowing what's going on. I was feeling better when the doc told me that it was probably nothing, but she was testing me for a couple of things just to be sure. Now I'm worried again. What if she was wrong?
I'm babbling now. I don't bother talking to Fran about this. He just tells me I'm fine and being paranoid...which may be true, but it's not exactly what a woman wants to hear from her husband when she's looking for comfort. Whatever, it doesn't matter. I'm not going to dwell. At least I found out at the doc that my fainting spells have nothing to do with my meds. I have VERY LOW blood pressure, so when I get too hot or don't eat....poof. I'm out like a light. Good to know.
Well, back to work at the Pit. Since I'm on my way out I'm trying to look busy. :) Till next time.
Ok, I have not slipped up since yesterday morning. I have now made it a little over 24 hours without so much as smelling smoke. I'm proud of myself. And I want to kill everyone I see. I am cranky, quick-tempered, tired, frustrated, and easily annoyed. I fly into rages without being provoked and I growl at anyone who dares step foot in my office. But since that's how I normally am at work, I'm guessing everything will be ok.
I was going to use that nicotine gum, but something about fighting a nicotine habit with nicotine seems wrong. I understand the concept and I don't mean to slam anyone who uses it, I know it has helped some people. But for others, like my father, it becomes a crutch. I know me. I have an EXTREMELY addictive personality. I think that I'd end up just like my dad. I have the gum...just in case the cravings get so intolerable that it's between the gum and smoking. But so far, I've been able to get through by chewing lots of regular gum, gnawing on straws, and sucking on Starbursts. Of course my family has been steering clear of me too, which helps. :)
My sore throat is gone, I still have a cough though. But my allergies were bad yesterday so I can't say whether it's the effects of quitting or not. I spent some time on the Quit Net message boards yesterday and found someone who quit the same day I did who seems to be having just as much trouble. It's good to have someone to vent to who is going through exactly what you are. If anyone out there is thinking of quitting, I highly suggest checking the site out. You don't have to live in NJ to use it. Just go to www.njquitnet.com and put in your info. The basic membership is free, and it definitely helps.
I've been having trouble sleeping the past couple of nights. I think it's a combination of my allergies, quitting, and my sentence at the Pit winding down. I'm thrilled to be getting out of here but nervous at the same time. Freelancing is taking a big chance. It's not a stable paycheck. What if the company I work for hits a slow time and can't guarantee me enough work to live off of. What do I do then? I knew I was taking a chance when I got into this, but the only way to get where you want to be is by taking chances. I just hope this one doesn't come back to bite me in the ass.
Remember how I told you about my plumbing issues and my doc appt. last week? I've been calling every day and my doc doesn't seem to be around. The receptionist tells me it can take weeks for test results to come back. Funny, I've been going to a plumbing doc since I was 14....never had to wait more than a couple of days to get the AOK call. So what does this mean? Is she stalling? Is it bad news that they have to look into further? Did they screw up the tests and can't find the results? Is it really taking this long to process? Is my doc a ditz who can't seem to call me back? I hate not knowing what's going on. I was feeling better when the doc told me that it was probably nothing, but she was testing me for a couple of things just to be sure. Now I'm worried again. What if she was wrong?
I'm babbling now. I don't bother talking to Fran about this. He just tells me I'm fine and being paranoid...which may be true, but it's not exactly what a woman wants to hear from her husband when she's looking for comfort. Whatever, it doesn't matter. I'm not going to dwell. At least I found out at the doc that my fainting spells have nothing to do with my meds. I have VERY LOW blood pressure, so when I get too hot or don't eat....poof. I'm out like a light. Good to know.
Well, back to work at the Pit. Since I'm on my way out I'm trying to look busy. :) Till next time.
posted by Meghan at 9:58 AM
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