An Open Letter To "God"*
*Yes, I put God in quotes, because I honestly don't know if I can believe God exists.
Dear God,
I know that I've been denying your existance the past few months. People ask what religion I am, I tell them I'm an Atheist. Truth is, being brought up Catholic, I still have a hard time believing that there is nothing out there. But from what I've seen as of late, I'm pretty much led to that conclusion.
So, if you're so perfect, why did you make the human race so imperfect? Why do you send tidal waves and hurricanes and earthquakes? Why do you take people away before their time? Why do you let babies die? Why do you let people suffer?
Don't give me that free will crap either. Was it my free will to be born with something wrong with my brain? My free will to feel so low every damn day? Was it my friend's free will to get pregnant, only to miscarry? Was it a little boy's free will (you know the one I'm talking about, he went to one of your churches) to get cancer and die before reaching his 13th birthday? Fuck free will.
And then there are those that use their free will to hurt others. Is that fair? Children being beaten, people getting addicted to drugs, women getting raped, innocent people being murdered? What about the victim's free will? Why couldn't you protect them?
All I've ever wanted out of life was to be happy. I never asked for riches or fame. Never needed material objects or cared about what others were worth financially. I've always been the kind of person to reach out to those in need. To comfort those who suffer. To give everything I could for other peoples' happiness. I never asked for anything in return except just to be happy. Is that so horrible? So selfish?
I'm so tired. Tired of being used, abused, and stepped on. When I'm feeling low and somebody says to me, "Have faith. Things will get better," I cringe. Faith? Faith in what? In a God who can sit idly by and watch his "children" kill each other and suffer miseries he couldn't comprehend? And then there's that whole, "God gave his only son for our sins and watched him suffer for us." What the fuck was the point of that? God is a saddist. I want to know how Jesus suffering and dieing has done for the human race? Are we any better for it? Do we still not sin? Mr. Almighty God...didn't you see that coming?
I was talking to someone the other day about how sick I felt over the tragedy Hurricane Katrina left in her wake. You know what this person said? "It's God's will. He has a plan." God's will? GOD'S WILL? Wait a minute...I thought we had free will. I thought the faithful used free will as an excuse for why God lets bad things happen to good people? But now there's God's will too? And what fucking plan do you have, God? It was neccessary for all those innocent people to be killed? What fucking purpose did that serve? And what about those that are left alive who have nothing left? They've lost family, homes, jobs, every fucking thing they ever had. What purpose does that serve?
And yeah, it's time for me to be a little selfish. I wouldn't compare my problems with those of anyone who is living through that tragedy. Hell, I have a house, a job, a family that loves me, two beautiful kids. Shit, I have it made compared to most of the rest of the world. So when I complain that I'm hurt, that I'm in constant pain, please don't remind me how good I have it. Because it was YOUR will that I be born with a disease that can't be seen, can't be cured, and for the most part, is not understood by the general population. I have to have a disease that drives those I love away, that makes it impossible for people to get close to me, that will effect my children and my family for life.
And I guess it was my own free will that ended my marriage. My own free will that keeps me lonely and angry and sad and afraid. But I'm sorry, I can't believe in a God that would let his children feel this way. I can't believe in a God that created feelings like hate, greed, jealousy, anger, depression...you get the idea.
Call me bitter...call me jaded. I don't fucking care. I will not follow the herd of believers. I will not just shrug my shoulders at the shit that is the world. I will continue to be angry and sad and afraid. Because I can't count on God to make things better. I can't count on ANYONE to make things better.
So God, if you're out there, hear this: You have let your children down. So much for being almighty.
Sincerely,
Meghan (bitter) Fatras
Dear God,
I know that I've been denying your existance the past few months. People ask what religion I am, I tell them I'm an Atheist. Truth is, being brought up Catholic, I still have a hard time believing that there is nothing out there. But from what I've seen as of late, I'm pretty much led to that conclusion.
So, if you're so perfect, why did you make the human race so imperfect? Why do you send tidal waves and hurricanes and earthquakes? Why do you take people away before their time? Why do you let babies die? Why do you let people suffer?
Don't give me that free will crap either. Was it my free will to be born with something wrong with my brain? My free will to feel so low every damn day? Was it my friend's free will to get pregnant, only to miscarry? Was it a little boy's free will (you know the one I'm talking about, he went to one of your churches) to get cancer and die before reaching his 13th birthday? Fuck free will.
And then there are those that use their free will to hurt others. Is that fair? Children being beaten, people getting addicted to drugs, women getting raped, innocent people being murdered? What about the victim's free will? Why couldn't you protect them?
All I've ever wanted out of life was to be happy. I never asked for riches or fame. Never needed material objects or cared about what others were worth financially. I've always been the kind of person to reach out to those in need. To comfort those who suffer. To give everything I could for other peoples' happiness. I never asked for anything in return except just to be happy. Is that so horrible? So selfish?
I'm so tired. Tired of being used, abused, and stepped on. When I'm feeling low and somebody says to me, "Have faith. Things will get better," I cringe. Faith? Faith in what? In a God who can sit idly by and watch his "children" kill each other and suffer miseries he couldn't comprehend? And then there's that whole, "God gave his only son for our sins and watched him suffer for us." What the fuck was the point of that? God is a saddist. I want to know how Jesus suffering and dieing has done for the human race? Are we any better for it? Do we still not sin? Mr. Almighty God...didn't you see that coming?
I was talking to someone the other day about how sick I felt over the tragedy Hurricane Katrina left in her wake. You know what this person said? "It's God's will. He has a plan." God's will? GOD'S WILL? Wait a minute...I thought we had free will. I thought the faithful used free will as an excuse for why God lets bad things happen to good people? But now there's God's will too? And what fucking plan do you have, God? It was neccessary for all those innocent people to be killed? What fucking purpose did that serve? And what about those that are left alive who have nothing left? They've lost family, homes, jobs, every fucking thing they ever had. What purpose does that serve?
And yeah, it's time for me to be a little selfish. I wouldn't compare my problems with those of anyone who is living through that tragedy. Hell, I have a house, a job, a family that loves me, two beautiful kids. Shit, I have it made compared to most of the rest of the world. So when I complain that I'm hurt, that I'm in constant pain, please don't remind me how good I have it. Because it was YOUR will that I be born with a disease that can't be seen, can't be cured, and for the most part, is not understood by the general population. I have to have a disease that drives those I love away, that makes it impossible for people to get close to me, that will effect my children and my family for life.
And I guess it was my own free will that ended my marriage. My own free will that keeps me lonely and angry and sad and afraid. But I'm sorry, I can't believe in a God that would let his children feel this way. I can't believe in a God that created feelings like hate, greed, jealousy, anger, depression...you get the idea.
Call me bitter...call me jaded. I don't fucking care. I will not follow the herd of believers. I will not just shrug my shoulders at the shit that is the world. I will continue to be angry and sad and afraid. Because I can't count on God to make things better. I can't count on ANYONE to make things better.
So God, if you're out there, hear this: You have let your children down. So much for being almighty.
Sincerely,
Meghan (bitter) Fatras
posted by Meghan at 3:00 PM
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