A Little Calmer Now

Sorry, that phone call from my mom set me off. You know me. What I originally wanted to post about was some happy news. The only thing keeping me going today, actually.

Today is my last day at the Pit. I have packed up my personal belongings and am in the process of filing away the last of the paperwork I'll never have to deal with again. It's a good feeling. I only wish this constant feeling of wanting to throw up was gone.

Funny though, who woulda thought that 3 years of my life here fit into just one box? This office looks pathetic now. No more pictures of my favorite wrestlers on the walls, no more Homies hanging out on the window sill, no more jokes hanging on my office door (the door of fame), no pictures of my little girl smiling up at me, no monkeys hanging out all over the office (yes I collect monkeys...got a problem with that?). It's just an office now. Four dank walls, a big gray metal desk, a computer, and files. Truly a cell.

They still haven't hired anyone to take my place. I heard they're going through a head hunter instead of putting ads in the paper. Something about them "not wanting to take a chance." Wonder what that means. heh

I thought I might be a little sadder. I know I hate this place and it's done nothing but suck the life outta me for the last 3 years, but I expected to feel some twinge of sadness. There are a handful of people I actually like here. As much as a pain in the ass that my boss is, I will miss his jovial behavior. But all in all, I don't feel any sadness. Maybe that's due to the fact that the past week has drained me to the point where it's hard to feel anything. I just want to finish up here and get back home. Crawl under the covers and take a nap. When I sleep, my stomach doesn't hurt. Course the docs say I can't sleep all day. Sigh.

I'll be able to go into more detail about all this eventually. Right now this is all I feel able to post. Time for a once over and final touches. Then I'm outta the Pit for good. Off to greener pastures...I can only hope.

Life Just Keeps Gettin Better And Better

I was about to start posting when the phone rang and I got wonderful news from my mother. Apparently June's rent check bounced. Don't know why it took until August for the bank to point this out. Now this makes no sense. I have had NO MONEY for months now...every check I wrote I knew I covered, but it always left us with next to nothing to live on. So tell me...if a huge check bounced, why did I still have next to NOTHING? Wouldn't I have noticed that the check didn't go through because my account didn't go down very far? I mean, if it bounced, it wasn't because it was off by much, I'm not that bad at math. So who knows what the fuck happened. With all the shit I've been through the past week, I don't give a flying fuck anymore. I don't care if repo men come, take everything in my house, the cars, the clothes off my back. I JUST DON'T FUCKING CARE ANYMORE! I've fucking had it! My life is full of luck and it's all bad. I should be used to this shit by now. So fuck it. Go ahead....shit on me some more. I've lost the will to give a flying monkey's ass.

Let me tell you....5 days straight of not being able to hold down food or water, throwing up stomach bile every 10 minutes, ending up in the ER twice, dehydrated and STILL feeling like shit 24/7 does something to a person. You thought I was crazy before? Dig me now!

I'm as looney as daffy duck, bugs bunny, woody woodpecker, and Charlie Manson all rolled into one. So do me a favor....if you see me coming....duck. I have no idea what I'm capable of at this point.

Hugs and kisses

~Meg