Clawing My Way Out Of The Hole

Ok, so it's been a few days since the bad news. At first, I took it hard, didn't see any way out, and lapsed into a depression coma. I've come out of it now. I know things are dire, so I had to start working on a plan. First off, I figure $7.25 an hour at TI just ain't cuttin it. So I looked for another part-time job online that pays a bit more. I found a post on www.nj.com (if you live in NJ and need work, this is a GREAT source) from a woman looking for someone to watch her kids 3 or 4 mornings a week. She happens to live in the same town. Would she mind that I'm having my own baby? Can't find out unless you call. So I did. Turns out she's willing to pay me $12 to $13 an hour for 15 - 20 hours a week. It fits in perfectly with my daughter's school schedule, I can drop her off and pick her up without a problem. And, she doesn't mind that I'm having a baby. She's expecting herself (due very soon) which is why she's looking for extra help. Doesn't mind if I take a few months off when I have the baby, and then I can come back with the baby. I'm supposed to call her tomorrow to set up a time to meet, either tomorrow morning or Monday morning. I'm hoping this works out. It's not a LARGE amount of money, but it's more than TI and leaves my evenings and weekends free for other projects. I'm not down and out yet.

So...there you have it. No more emails telling me that I should look at the bright side of things and not to worry. I'm still going to worry, that's just how I am, but now at least I feel like I can do something about the situation.

Just When I Thought I Saw A Light

In my life, I have found, that whenever things are looking up, something bad happens. Maybe because I am a pessimist, I bring this on myself. Maybe I was Hitler in a past life. Maybe Coop is right, "everything sucks all the time." I don't know. You think I'd be used to shit like this by now. But still, every time I get knocked down, it hurts.

You may wonder what the hell I'm talking about. For those who have been reading this blog for awhile, you know that I left a lucrative (but horrible) job in publishing to freelance from home. You also know that the training took twice as long as expected and then the work dried up, not to come back until January. I was upset then, but I got through it, knowing that I just had to make it through a couple of months. Then I got the bad news.

Turns out, there will be no work in January, no work ever. Not from this company at least. Apparently the new owners want to get rid of all but 15 freelancers. Since I'm one of the newest, I'm one to go. My friend did everything she could, but it is what it is. She didn't see it coming. I don't blame her.

So here I am, working a maximum of 26 1/2 hours a week, for $7.25 an hour at a job that is killing me. Once the baby comes in April, I can no longer do this job, because I can't work during the day. I can't get a "real" job like I had in publishing because I can't afford daycare. I've looked online for freelance work, but the best I could do is bid on projects that may or may not come. Nothing stable, nothing consistent. I've screwed myself yet again.

Where does this leave me? Terrified. Everyone keeps telling me, "keep your chin up. You'll find something. It'll all work out." Honestly though, how do they know? They don't know how much money I owe my parents, my parents who have next to nothing themselves. If I can't start paying them rent soon, they'll have to sell the house. And where will we go? We can't afford the $900 a month we're supposed to be giving them, where the hell are we going to live? I'm in debt to my eyeballs, how the hell am I going to pay it off? How am I going to afford the new baby? The car we bought...we'll probably end up losing it. Repossesion is a bitch. I've had friends who have gone through it.

Yeah, I'll keep my chin up, then hell will freeze over. Not my style to just smile and assume everything will work itself out. I'm royally fucked, and I don't know how I'm going to get out of this mess.

Enough whining for now...

They Call Me Baby Driver

Went to see Simon and Garfunkle last night. Ok, I know what you're thinking. My favorite bands are Tool, Korn, System of a Down, NIN, etc. But there is a place in my heart for the music I grew up with as well. My parents were (and still are) huge S&G fans, as well as Peter, Paul, and Mary, CSN, Beatles...I could go on forever. I still enjoys these groups and when I heard S&G were coming to town, I couldn't resist. They haven't played together since the 80s and who knows how long it will be before they come back. So I got tickets with my brother and sister, and of course Fran.

The show was amazing. They haven't lost their touch in the 40some years they've been playing together. When they played Sounds of Silence, I got chills. This may have been the best concert I've ever been to. They played just about every song I wanted to hear, including the Boxer in their first encore, which brought tears to my eyes. The Everly Brothers (who have been opening up for them, but for some reason did not last night) came on in the middle of the first set and did a few songs. I enjoyed them as well, although I was never really into them.

So I had a great night, even though I had to work at TI during the day. The snowstorm kept me from getting to work on Saturday. Sunday was my day off, but they called me in because 3 people claimed they couldn't get to work. What a crock of shit, the roads were perfectly fine yesterday. Anyhoo, I went in for awhile because I felt I owed them for not getting there on Sat. We ended up with about a foot of snow.

Well, that's about all that I have to report for now. Ta ta for now!